My First Two Days at the Douchebag National Convention
Well, I learned a lot my first two days here to help bring down the new communist dictator, Barack Hussein Obama. I flew into DIA (which is apparently some sort of Masonic/Satanic temple, i’m not sure) and hailed a cab into the “heart” of this “city.” Now I see why Obama chose Denver to hold his groundbreaking lovefest. It’s far enough away from reality to make him seem relevant. Also, they are pretty much just miles away from ranches. And I heard that the Democrats liked the movie Brokeback Mountain. I of course didn’t see it and protested it in accordance with what James Dobson told me to do.
Anyway, so I got a cab and told the guy, “take me to where the action is, my good man.” So he takes me to this part of town (I guess maybe downtown, not sure) on a street called Colfax. Now I’m no dummy. I know when I’m the only white guy around it’s probably not the best part of town. But, I tell myself, this is just a cowtown, so I’m sure I’m ok. The cabbie lets me out, I start to talk to this guy at the bus stop named Dijon (at least I think that’s how you spell it). I say, “whasssup my homie? Where can I get in on this fine anti-Democrat shindig? Word.” Dijon looks at me like he’s going to kill me. But he just laughs and says, “Whatchoo talkin bout dumbfuck? Shit, man, you looking to score eh?” I just nod cause I have no idea what he means. He tells me that I need to get to real downtown apparently, and that for 30 bennies I can find some fine anti-Democrat crunk juice. Not really sure what that means.
So i give him 30 bucks. My entire pay for this blog. He gives me something he calls “Angel Dust” which I’m assuming is code for happy powder. I tell you my anti-Obama friends, this stuff was dy-no-mite! So anyway, I made it downtown, and am currently sleeping on the streets. Who knew that the DNC would get so many attendees? I must be really excited about being here, cause I haven’t slept since I got here.
I met up with this delightful group called the White Crushers who all shave their heads “for peace” is what they told me. I’ve been trying to get them to understand that Obama is evil, and so far they seem quite agreeable. Tomorrow I go to the Tent State place and help them protest the Dumbocrats.
Oh, and a special note to Martin- suck it you entitled upperclass libtard. This country’s had enough of your kind making special concessions to your fellow richies. It’s time for real change. The kind that remembers to stay the course and support our troops.
