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  • dvandelmar 2:48 pm on September 11, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , sara palin, the retard,   

    Code Red 

    I stalked a gal for a few days until I saw her walk out of her house. It was dark. She wore a leather jacket down past her rear. I could see the outline. Not bad. Enough for fun. A friend had mentioned her as a possibility. I called her, and we met for lunch. I had a party to attend on Friday night. She came with me. A bunch of beers into the night. She grabbed my hand and asked me to leave. We drove to my house and poured one last cocktail and sat on the couch. Not sure if I even took a sip before I ripped her clothes off. No foreplay. She loves to talk in the middle. I love it. She wants it harder. It wasn’t working. I stalled for some time. Too drunk. Fell asleep. Out cold.

    At about 3am something is wrong. Code Red stands above me. She’s whimpering. Feels rejected. Fully dressed. Even wearing her overcoat. I had barely been with her. Only a couple dates. She expects what? So I’m drunk. I fall asleep. We’re far from married. Isn’t she supposed to be trying to land me? Best foot forward? The pressure. The best in bed are those who allow. They ask you to stop and try later. Code Red expects volumes. Immediately. Too much pressure.

    She says she’s going to walk home. Completely outrageous. At least four miles away, and it’s bitterly cold. I jump into a pair of jeans and fleece. I told her I’ll drive her. We get to my car, and she cries harder. She asks why I don’t care. This is our first date. Can you imagine being married to this. No wonder why she’s divorced. I said flatly that she gets to make a choice. Come back to bed, or go home. She comes back to bed. I deliver a courtesy. She cuddles next to me for the remainder of the darkness.

    I called her six months later on a warm sunny evening. A few scotches in. She was engaged after having known a guy for three weeks.

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    • martinfritts 11:22 pm on September 11, 2008 Permalink | Reply

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  • dvandelmar 2:58 pm on September 10, 2008 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , , the retard,   

    I Trust Krusty 

    You are so rattled and clinging to hope that someone in the real world will read this shit you send from the internet. We all know the commercials are rooted in fact. Stretched a little, but there is fact. I harken back to Barnacle Bill and his seemingly fruitless search for a head coach. You will survive with Sarah as your VP. The sun will return in the east. The birds will sing with joy. Children will grow up to love Krusty.

    The reality is Obama is under the gun and not tested. This test is nothing compared to the games we will face with Putin in the future. Krusty will stand tall to Putin. He knows the cold war. Obama looks too feminine. Putin will kick his ass. Putin knows Krusty didn’t jack off for six years while he was strung up from a pole in an NVA POW camp. Can you imagine not blowing a load for that long? I’d cave for certain. Not Krusty.

    You saw the pictures of Putin in the river. He’s borderline insane. He sent a battleship to the Caribbean to run maneuvers with Hugo Chavez. He’s in talks with Cuba to reestablish ties. The guy is a major threat to this country in time. I view him as a borderline Hitler prior to invading Austria. I want a tough son of a bitch in office who will stand up to him. There’s only one candidate who has proven balls and that is Krusty.

    Rest assured Putin would love a soft, borderline homosexual to face off against. Krusty would bite him and poke his eyes out. Obama would try to bullshit his way out with rhetoric.

    Bottom line, it’s us against the Reds. I trust Krusty.

     
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